| update |
[Sep. 12th, 2008|08:52 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  content | ] |
hey all i know its been quite a while as per usual lol but ive been pretty busy. my job pretty much sucks at this point, ive been there for over a year and its begining to feel like a prison...mike and i broke up in july....i think that was the best decision i could have ever made....things just got continually worse and it was best that we parted ways. i dont speak to him at all but i think thats what we both needed. i met a really great guy shortly after mike and i parted ways. his name is charles....well i actually met him before mike and i broke up but we were just friends...i had no idea he liked me until after mike and i were done. anyway, chuck and i have been together for about 2 months and hes a really good guy....hes italian so hes got a temper, but hes got a huge heart. hes got 2 monster labs....max and ralph. max is 5 and very mellow. ralph is 11 months and a terror!! they are very cute tho. =) i love chuck and i couldnt see my life without him...im at a good place in my life.
school started again last week. im a senior....a senior again....i cant believe it. the only thing is this time theres no more school to go to after this but graduate school.....its time for the real world. that scares the living shit out of me. im prepared...sorta. sometimes i miss being young and not having the responsibilities of an adult. but i know that the rest of my life is ahead of me and i have to look forward instead of back. |
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| meh... |
[Mar. 15th, 2008|09:27 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  drained | ] |
i wish in a lot of ways that life wasn't so complicated. i'm so tired from school and work that i have absolutely no energy for anything else. i come home from work and fall asleep by 7:30. i also have a lot weighing on my mind. a couple of weeks ago i started talking to this guy named donnie. we work together and he came out to a club that i was at. we started talking and exchanged numbers. we've been talking for a few weeks now and i kinda really like him. it's just weird because he is really shy and he doesnt like to talk about feelings which sucks because i am very open about how i feel about things. some days i think he totally likes me and other days i feel like he doesnt. i get so confused. and yes i'm still dating mike. Hence the dilemma. i love mike very much dont get me wrong and i would never cheat on him, but sometimes i feel like i need to do more than look at other guys. And I'm only 20 years old. im not married and im still young. mike hates to party and i like going to clubs and having fun. he likes to stay home all the time.
Donnie is different all around. Normally i would never be attracted to the type of person he is. we'll call it the "thug" look. and his shy personality isnt me either. BUT he's mysterious and sexy and i like that a lot. i feel like im stuck between a rock and a hard place. between all these feelings and school and working a full time job im exhausted. i go tanning just to relax. thank God school is almost over for the semester. this week im on spring break so i can CATCH up on some of my sleep. this whole growing up thing sucks. at this time next year ill be looking for a REAL job. that means big girl time...that scares me to death. i'm so accustomed to being in school and depending on my dad for things that once im out on my own i'm scared that i wo'nt make it. my dad always tells me that im going to do fine but im still scared. ive always wanted to be an adult, now that i'm on the brink of becoming one, i'm scared to fail, scared to succeed, scared to anything. most of the time i just want to be home in my bed with my dog Bailey where nothing will hurt me and i feel the most comfy....im just not sure about my future in anything....i'm scared.....shitless. |
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| well hello again |
[Jan. 21st, 2008|11:29 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  busy | ] |
my my it has been a WHILE. 3 years lol...well im in my 6th semester at hilbert college...scary...as the last post was about me graduating from high school. lets see...mike and i are still together....3 and a half years on feb 14. an eternity i know. i work at a casino now. fun fun fun lol!! and im turning 21 in 5 months!! yay ill be legal! ill update more tomorrow im super tired and i have class tomorrow morning.
<3 |
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| Moving On..... |
[May. 7th, 2005|10:43 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sad | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Vitamin C "Graduation" | ] |
well its official. Our senior year is almost over. In many ways it has been a long time coming,in others the end of an era. To my friends, it has been amazing. i will never forget the old friends that i have had, and the new ones that i made this year. Most of us will never see eachother again. we will go off to college, get married and start our families. as i sat at my senior picnic yesterday, many thoughts went through my head. its finally sinking in. my high school years are drawing to a fast close. and it scares me. i dont know what the future holds for me. i have had so many great memories. as i looked around at all the seniors, i realized that this was one of the last times we will spend together. to the class of 2005: i give you this saying from a song that plays over and over in my head. it goes like this:
"as we go on, we remember,
all the times we've had together,
and as our lives change,
come whatever,
we will still be
friends forever."
forever to the Class of 2005. |
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| update |
[Apr. 30th, 2005|05:16 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crazy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | mariah carey "we belong together" | ] |
well i finally figured out what im going to do with my life. I am going to attend ECC for 2 years and then possibly UB. i want to get my doctorate in pharmacy. and yes i know that pharmacy is one of the hardest professions to get into. but its what i want. its where i see myself. working as a tech has only helped me figure out what i want.
my car finally got fixed from the accident. it looks great. i have a great new friend named tanya. we get along so well. we are both going to ECC together and we are going to florida in july for 2 weeks. shes a great person and i love hanging out with her. we are hanging out tonite as a matter a fact.
i found the real me inside and i like who i am now. it has taken a lot for me to finally understand what i want and who i want to be. i didnt like who i was before so i changed it and i tell ya i like myself a lot more now. i have more confidence then i ever did, and that is thanks in part to my wonderful loving boyfriend of almost 9 months, mike. hes my rock,my sanity in this crazy world. and the best thing about him....he loves me FOR me...he has never tried to change me, but he supported me when i was going through my identity change. and now heres to many years of the new me......<3 Anna Banana |
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| College |
[Feb. 11th, 2005|10:15 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  Jesse McCarthy "I want you" | ] |
I have been waiting my whole life to get accepted to Hilbert College. It finally happened last night. I got accepted!!! |
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| update |
[Feb. 2nd, 2005|06:55 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | content | ] |
well the second semester at school started on monday. I have study hall 1st per., gym/study hall 2nd, spanish 4 3rd period, study hall 4th period, lunch, english, math, government, and criminal justice. i really like criminal justice. should be an interesting class. i also get to see mike 3 periods now instead of just 2. yay! I'm not really happy with government though. we have this huge project due in june that is Really a huge pain in my ass. I have to take time off work, and do community shit that i really dont wanna do. Ah well, it's to graduate and ill do anything to walk across that stage.
Today we traveled to Alden to put the down payment on our limo for prom. I'm so excited i cant wait. I found the dress that i want. its blue and just really pretty. theres 20 people going in our limo. thats crazy. But all the planning and all the money that we spend to me, is completely worth it. To look and feel like a princess for a day.
Mike and I are doing extremely well. I'm completely in love with the kid and it's nice to know that he feels the same. Valentine's day is our 6 month anniversary. Talk about romantic. I cant wait to see what hes got planned. That's all for now. |
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| burrrr...it's cold |
[Jan. 26th, 2005|02:44 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cold | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Boys to Men "I'll make love to you" | ] |
It's really fuckin cold today. I had the day off because of exams. Tomorrow i have my psychology exam. But today I'm going to my aunt's house to spend a little time. Work is interesting. I play with medicine all day lol. but its fun. Prom is up and coming. i found a really pretty white dress that i want to get. Hopefully i will. I'm also excited to learn that i grew an inch. now im 5'2. yay! anyway, its pretty cold up here in buffalo. we have about 2 or so feet of snow outside. I'm taking my car off the road until the weather breaks. I haven't driven it since my accident. I'm not scared to drive, I'm just paraniod. I got my right cartlidge pierced. it hurts a lot. well thats all to report right now. |
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| update |
[Jan. 21st, 2005|07:21 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bitchy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Good Charlotte "Hold On' | ] |
Well it has been a long time. A lot has happened in the last two months or so. Mike and I are still together....but this past week we had quite a few problems....but all is good now. This week has been a really bad week for me. On wednesday I got into my first car accident. My car isnt that messed up but there is damage. I was waiting at a red light to turn left and when the light turned green, the guy behind me plowed right into me. His car is fine but not mine. I also was injured. I thought it was just muscle strains like the hospital said, but today i went to my doctor and its much worse. I have horrible headaches, and bad back pain and neck pain. so now i have to go see a neurosergeon next week. Hopefully i wont need surgery. Ive been mentally fucked up from the accident too. i cant sleep, all i think about is the accident, i see it over and over again when i close my eyes. its horrible. Anyway, i just thought i would let ya know whats been happening with me. I also got a new job. I work in the pharmacy at Tops now lol. i havent started yet but tomorrow is my first day...exciting after the week from hell. |
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| everything |
[Nov. 23rd, 2004|06:24 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  geeky | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Vindicated" Dashboar Confessional | ] |
I got my report card yesterday...87.5 final average....not bad if i do say so myself. Mike is sick again...sinuses kill him this time of the year. I got pulled over yeserday for the first time. I didn't get a ticket though. aparently the cop said that someone knows me and to thank cheesie. oh well lol. Mike is at work. I miss him a lot. Sometimes I wonder if he really loves me or if hes just in it for the sex. But then again he always tells me how much he loves me. I don't know. all i do know is that I love him and i want to spend forever with him. Im so in love i cant believe it.
Amandas party was insane on saturday night. lol..the theme...penis!! lmao...my car was covered in condoms. it was hilarious.people were saying i was the best party of the year. ill talk more later. |
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| election 2004 |
[Nov. 3rd, 2004|05:00 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  aggravated | ] |
Bush Won......get over it. I'm sick of people bashing how bad bush is. did you people ever think for a minute that Bush wouldn't win? come on now....how dumb are you? |
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| its been a while |
[Oct. 23rd, 2004|07:38 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | sad | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Sublime "Suffocate" | ] |
I know I know. It's been a while. I've been busy working at Arby's in the mall, and with school and Mike. Yes, I'm still with Mike. Hard to believe huh? Anyways, I hate some people. They make me sick. They bitch you out and then like 2 days later act like nothing happened when they see you. Fucking nitwits. Mike an I have been together 2 months and 2 weeks. It's awesome. I love him very much.
For some reason, I've come to dislike some of my friends.I won't mention any names, but just feel so unclose to them. Maybe it's because I spend a lot of time with Mike, but I don't know. It's kind of sad, but why would I spend time with some people, when when I'm with them, all they do is make fun of and ridicule me? I don' know if they are jealous because I have a boyfriend and he takes up a lot of my time, or what. Maybe it's my fault. I don't know. It's just sad. It makes me sad. I don't know anymore.... |
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| matt situation |
[Aug. 29th, 2004|03:41 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  relieved | ] |
as for the matt situation, it's done and over. I went to jan's last week and matt didnt even talk to me. his dumb girlfriend was there and she kept giving me dirty looks. then that night after bowling, we went to louies like we always do, and guess who's there. yep, his girlfreind. turns out she's a waitress there. she had the fucking nerve to talk about me right in front of my face. my God, i wanted to boot her in her fake-tanned face. ugh. i hate her. but i don't care. i have Mike. he's more of a man than matt could ever be. |
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| Happy again |
[Aug. 29th, 2004|03:30 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  loved | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "accidentily in love" | ] |
I know it's been a while, but lots has been going on in my life. There is now Mike in my life. He has made such a difference in my life even though its only been 2 weeks. He brightens up all my days and he makes me feel absolutely beautiful. I feel important and loved when im with him. I feel safe and I feel like, i dunno, a queen. I want to make this relationship last. I don't think i could see myself without him. He's a huge part of my life now and don't see that changing any time soon.
School starts in a week and 3 days. I'm excited because I'm gonna be a senior! Finally the last year of highschool. Then college. I'm not quite sure wha I wanna do yet, but I'll figure it out.
Anyway, I think I have found true happiness in my life, finally after waiting so long. I feel ready to take on this school year with a vengeance. |
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| starting all over again |
[Aug. 8th, 2004|06:04 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | grateful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "i cant help myself" nobodys angel | ] |
i got a job. now i am an employee of denny's. yay. im happy that i have a new job. the only thing i dont like about this whole thing is starting over. new people, new job to do, new manager. oh well i got a damn job i should be happy. and i am.
speaking of starting all over again, i went in to the holiday inn yesterday, one, becuase i wanted to get my check, two, i got a call at like 1030 yesterday morning telling me that matt was coming in at 130. so i got there at like 1:15 and at 1:40 right after i got the call from denny's, i saw his car fly past the window. suddenly, my heart leaped, and i was so excited, jeremy thought i was going to piss my pants. i ran to the door and i saw him. i ran and jumped into his arms. he was suprised to see me and he was like "what are you doing here?" and i said "i came to see you", and he was like "who told you?" i told him that i had gotten a call that morning that he was coming in. he just smiled, and we went into laundry. i fell in love all over again. and i mean im in love. i know it, i feel it. i love matthew mulheisn and i dont care who knows it. i even got a picture with him. i was so excited i couldnt stand it. then i went for my interview and got the job. last night all i could think about was him. an i cant wait to see him again, because when i do im telling him how i feel. im not sure how hes going to take it, but i cant live knowing that he doesnt know how i feel. i do love him....i ave never in my life cared about, or felt so much love for a guy...ever...and its time that he knows, because who knows, maybe he feels the same way... |
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| jobless |
[Aug. 4th, 2004|08:04 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Butterfly Kisses" | ] |
man man man....no job....this shit sucks. i had no choice though...my back is in bad shape. i went to the chiropractor today and he yelled again. i told him that i had finished work and he was like "now i want you to rest your back." heh fat chance. i have stuf to do at home. i feel lost. i was so used to working all the time and not being home, that now that i am, i dont know what to do with myself. so i cleanin the shit out of my house...i finally cleaned the kitchen today and the basement. i baked a cake too. i dunno things are wierd now that im jobless. i have applcations in everywhere. now the waiting begins. it sucks. *sigh* |
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| meh...i dont know |
[Jul. 27th, 2004|04:39 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | aggravated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "I miss you" Blink 182 | ] |
well i quit my job. talk about a dumb mistake. i feel stupid now that i quit. i got my last schedule today...im off friday and i work sat, sun, mon, and tuesday...thats my last day. its gonna be a very emotional day. i started crying in work today because reality hit me like a brick wall. i dont want to leave the holiday inn. i have so many friends there and i know everyone. i was mad and i made a mistake. but ill have to find another job now. maybe ill come back one day. Jan told me that she is going to have me, matt, and jeremy over for dinner one nite when we r all off.
as for everything else, well there is nothing else. most of my summer was spent working and i dont even have that right now. so now i begin the search for a new job. joy. i can feel the enthusiam begining to rise. yea right. im still liking matt, but hell hes so confused he dont know what he wants. im done with guys for right now. i have to concentrate on getting a job, and my senior year at lhs. |
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| ahh well....confused |
[Jul. 15th, 2004|10:10 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  confused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Elton John "I guess that's why they call it the blues" | ] |
I find myself confused once more. last night me, amanda, and justin went to see dodgeball. It was funny. a couple of nights ago, justin and I talked for a few hours online. it feels like we never even broke up. it confuses me. I mean after we broke up, we didn't talk for 5 months. now we are like the best of friends and all those old feelings came back. i don't know what to do. I guess they never really left me. I thought thatI didn't like him anymore and that we were just friends, but it feels like we shouldbe more than that. I'm completely confused. I mean i really like matt, and there is also dan and a few other guys, but i mean its getting annoying. I have no idea what the hell I want.
If things with Justin go ok, then I think I might get back together with him. I have only been in love once in my life, and i say that i love matt, but i barely even know him. Jan tells me "what if you do go out with him and decide that he's an ass, then what?" Then at the same time, i don't want a relationship. I work almost everyday and I don't have time for much of anything. I think I'm going crazy. I just need to figure out what I want. That's what I have to do. I'll figure it out somehow.
I guess I still do like Justin. I guess I never really stopped liking him. Meh, I'm so confused I don't even think about it right now. |
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| meh |
[Jul. 11th, 2004|06:23 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | sad | ] |
| [ | music |
| | " i just cant help myself" Nobody's Angel | ] |
today was long. i was in laundry so it wasnt that bad. jan and i talked alot about matt. i miss him horribly. he just tookmy heart and ran with it. and the funny part is, he has no idea. he has no clue just how much i care about him. im not crazy or a stalker or anything, but im completely gone over this guy. i try so hard not to think about him, but the harder i try, the more i think about him. i hate it. everything i do, every song i hear, everything i think about relates to him and i hate not being able to be with him. ifound the perfect song to describe how i feel about him. its called "I just can't help myself" by Nobody's Angel. here are the lyrics:
You smile a lot
It makes me wonder what your thinking of cuz...
baby your always on my mind
and right now i want you with me
here by my side
with me till the end of time
I just can't help myself i'm falling in love with you.
(love, love)
It doesnt matter what you say and do
(no matter what you say, no matter what you do)
just give me a chance
and i know i'll make you understand why...
I just cant help myself i'm falling in love with you.
[Verse:2]
Dont always find i should tell the world just how I'm
feeling it cuz...
i wanna be sure you feel the same
The more that i think about it
you need to know
there's no other way
no,no
I just cant help myself I'm falling in love with you.
(love, love)
(with you)
It doesnt matter what you say or do
(no matter what you say, no matter what you do)
just give me a chance
and i know i'll make you understand why...
I just cant help myself i'm falling in love with you.
You must have been sent...
you must have been sent from heaven above
your everything i have been dreaming of
too good to be true
no no i dont think so
baby no
lalalalalalalalalalalalalala....
it just explains how i feel. and it sucks too. but what can i do. *sigh* |
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| ugh |
[Jul. 8th, 2004|05:06 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | busy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Ashlee Simpson "pieces of me" | ] |
i just got finished working 6 days in a row. i'm so fucking tired i cant even see staright. since saturday i have been getting up at 6:30 in the morning going 2 the hotel and cleaning between 13 and 19 hotel rooms a day. then deal with guests who cant even speak fuckin english. then stock your cart that you wheel around allfucking day with a shitload of heavy laundry. then come and tell me what tired is. until then dont complain to me about how hard your job is because you have no idea how hard my job is. i have a pinched nerve in my neck from pulling comforters off beds and my arm is numb. lovely job i have.
last saturday matt came into work....and i fell all over again. i forget about him until i see him and all those feelings come back and i want him. i was halfway down camp rd. and my aunt goes "we're turning around." i asked her why and she told me to give matt my cell number. so i wrote it down on the back of my schedule and gave it to him. he took it and put it in his pocket. then i find out hat he lives like 5 minutes rom my aunts house so ive benn there all week, messing around with my car. tomorrow im going to buy seat covers and a steerigwheel coverand other shit for my car. i miss working with matt...i miss him alot. he knows it too...im also looking for another job. not an easy task as no one wants to hire me. damn people....im getting real sick of bing a grown up. car, cell phone, birth control pills, college, prom 2005, soccer, senior trip.....everything i have to pay for in the next year....im growning up so fast. |
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